


Mind Game

by ragdoll-hux (sparkinthedark)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brainwashing, Enemies to Allies To Lovers, M/M, Medical Procedures, Past Abuse, Prisoner of War, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-01-25 13:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21357007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkinthedark/pseuds/ragdoll-hux
Summary: General Hux has been captured by the resistance, taken unawares in his own ship during a daring mission led by the former stormtrooper; Captain Finn. Now that the General is secure in the resistance base, the interrogation can begin. Can Poe Dameron get through the years of brutal conditioning the General has been put through and secrue his assistance in bringing an end to the tyranny of the First Order?
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Comments: 14
Kudos: 105





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing this fic on twitter, but I'm transfering it to the archive for easier reading, and to keep it safe. The tags will be updated as I add more chapters.

The incursion team were in position in their stolen stormtrooper armour; their breaching pod invisible to the  _ Finalizer _ 's scanners. The only way they could be spotted at this point was if someone looked out a window; and even then they wouldn't be more than a dark smudge against the light of the stars. 

The newly promoted Captain Finn had already prepared his team back on the ship that had launched the pod. The ship had popped out of hyperspace near the star destroyer just long enough to launch the pod; then jumped back out of range the next moment. There was just enough time for Finn to check his blaster before the warning alarm sounded telling them to brace themselves for breaching maneuvers. 

The pod slipped through a weak point in the shields, before firing explosive charges to puncture the star destroyer's outer hull. The outer airlock clamped to the edges of the hole and formed a seal. A few seconds later the airlock cycled open; letting the team enter the ship. 

Silently, Finn led his team out into the corridors of the  _ Finalizer _ . They marched through the ship in patrol formation to avoid suspicion, just like they had practiced, until they reached the officer's lounge where Finn knew the General always used to take his evening rations. It was a risk and he knew it; the General could have changed his habits in the year since Finn escaped the First Order's clutches, but he had never seemed like the kind of man who liked to switch things up. 

When they got to the door to the lounge Finn got out the code cylinder they'd taken from a First Order officers during a previous battle and slotted it into the reader. Finn motioned his team into position, and counted them down with his fingers before opening the door. 

"Hands up," Finn called out. "Nobody move." His team stood behind him, pointing their blasters around the room, holding all the officers in the room at blaster-point. 

General Hux, who had been sitting at the back of the room, slowly got to his feet. He didn't put his hands up, however. When Finn saw his fingers twitch towards his blaster-pistol at his hip, he fired his blaster at his chest; stunning him unconscious and dropping him to the floor. His team took his shot as a signal to start shooting, and they dropped the remaining officers with their own blasters set to stun. 

"Good work," Finn said. He went over to the unconscious General and looked at his slack expression. "But that was the easy part."

Seeing the man who had brainwashed him, stolen him from a family he would never know, lying vulnerable at his feet, made Finn want to give him a kick. This was his only chance to do such a thing. But the urge passed quickly; he was too well disciplined to let his emotions control him like that. Besides, if what they had discovered about him was true, then Hux was a victim of the same conditioning he'd been put through. Not that he was doing this to help  _ him _ , no, this was for the millions of stormtroopers who had been brainwashed. He would do anything if he could free them from that. 

"Let's get him up. The hanger isn't far, we need to be out of here before he wakes up."

"Yes Sir," his team replied in unison. One of the men lifted up the General's limp body and put him over his shoulder. The others surrounded them, protecting the man who could no longer hold his blaster, and followed Finn out of the lounge. 

The trip to the nearest hanger was tense; everyone was on high alert. Their disguises wouldn't hold up once they were spotted carrying an unconscious General Hux. 

There were two troopers guarding the entrance to the hanger, who they stunned with their blasters before they even noticed they were there. The rest of the team stayed back while Finn looked into the hanger to survey the situation. There were troopers and technicians dotted about, but not too many. Nearby was a shuttle being worked on by two technicians; if the ship was flyable it would be their best shot. Techs weren't trained for combat like the troopers so they wouldn't be much of a threat. The ship itself looked to be in one piece, with the work being carried out seeming superficial. The tether that had caught Poe out the last time he had escaped from a first order star destroyer was even disconnected. 

Finn went back to his team to explain the plan. Once everyone was caught up Finn led them into the hanger. They kept the General as hidden as they could in the middle of the group and marched to the shuttle. 

"When will this shuttle be ready to fly, technician?" Finn asked in his most authoritative voice. 

"It will fly now," the technician replied; although he looked suspicious. "We're just completing the more minor repairs now."

"Thank you but that won't be necessary," Finn said. "We need the ship now."

"This ship has been assigned to Commander Zelta," the technician said; raising his voice slightly. "Who are you?" 

Finn stunned the man with his blaster, and he fell to the floor with a dull thud. The next moment they were rushing into the shuttle. They quickly found the other technician and stunned him too, then shoved him out of the ship and closed the entrance behind him. 

Finn removed his helmet and tossed it aside as he hurried over to the pilot's seat. He had done a lot of flight training over the last year with Rey and Poe, and he knew he could pull this off.

While a couple of his team members strapped the unconscious general into one of the flight seats, Finn fired up the engines. When he pulled the shuttle into the air the red emergency lights started to flash around the hanger. Finn shot off into the stars beyond the hanger before any of the other ships could be scrambled. His heart was racing, he could hear the thudding of his heart in his ears. 

Now there were out in the open Finn opened the throttle and gunned it towards the jump point. Had they hadn't gone far before the first TIEs left the hanger and began to chase them down. TIEs were much faster than a shuttle, and they had seconds left before they were in firing range. 

"Come on!" Finn yelled. The ship was too slow; they weren't going to make it. The screen showed the TIEs getting closer and closer to entering their firing range. 

Finn hurriedly entered the hyperspace coordinates into the ship's computer. Just a few seconds and they could make the jump. The ship's alarm screeched as the TIEs came into range. They managed to get one shot off, that bounced off their shields, before the stars stretched out before them and they entered hyperspace. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe Dameron's interrogation of General Hux begins.

The shuttle landed on the Resistance air strip, and everyone quickly gathered around it to get a look at the high-ranking prisoner they had captured. They watched as a tall, slim man, dressed all in black was marched off the ship. There was a hood over the man's head and his hands were cuffed behind his back, yet he walked with his head held high. His guards held him by the shoulders and hussled him across the air strip and towards the prison block. The prisoner was taken into the most secure cell the resistance had, away from prying eyes.

The man didn't fight when he was shoved into a chair and tied up. A moment later his hood was removed and he blinked at the bright lights in his cell. 

"Ah, Dameron, I should have known it would be you," Hux said. He sounded more bored than scared.

"You're a very important person," Poe told him. He pulled up a chair and sat in front of him. "I couldn't leave your interrogation to just anyone."

"If you think you can break me, you're a fool."

"We'll see about that."

"I've been beaten all my life, there's nothing you can do to me that hasn't already been done."

"That's very sad, Hugs."

Hux rolled his eyes. "Just get on with it."

"I hate to break it to you, but we're not the first order, we don't torture prisoners here."

There was silence between them for a moment, until Hux burst out laughing. Poe folded his arms and waited him out. Little did Hux know there were better methods than torture to get someone to talk.

"Are you done?" Poe asked when Hux finally stopped laughing.

"You say you were beaten all your life, was this your father?"

"This is what we are going to talk about?" Hux scoffed. "Your whole organisation is a joke."

"We captured you, didn’t we?"

"You got lucky."

"You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better."

"Stop wasting my time and hit me, you're boring me," Hux drawled.

"So you don't want to talk about your father?"

Hux huffed, and turned his nose up at Poe.

"Or maybe was it your mother who hit you?"

Hux snarled at the mere suggestion. Poe smiled; he had him rattled. "So, what did daddy do to you?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but he—" Hux's voice wavered slightly and for a bizarre moment Poe thought he was going to cry. "This is ludicrous, I refuse to talk about this."

"Oh, Hugs, I thought you were about to have a break through."

"Go to hell, rebel scum."

"You say you've been beaten for your entire life, but our intel says your father died seven years ago. Who's been beating you since then?"

"I don't have to tell you anything," Hux sneered.

"But you're going to, because you've never had anyone to talk to about these things and it's eating you up inside."

Hux rolled his eyes "I— it was Snoke after that. You happy now?"

"You took seven years of beatings from a powerful force user. How are you still alive?" Poe asked.

"I'm smart, he needed me," Hux said. He sounded defensive. 

"It must have been hard; working your ass off for all those years under constant threat of violence."  Poe leaned forward and looked into Hux's eyes; trying to look sincere. "I'm sorry."

Hux took a deep breath to steady himself, and Poe could see he was starting to open up.

"You fight so hard for the first order, but what have they ever done for you?"

"The Order has had some cruel and incompetent leaders, but it's aims are just," Hux explained. But he didn't sound quite as sure of himself as before. 

"And what about your current leader? Is he worth fighting for?" Poe asked. "Word has it he's not just cruel; he's unstable."

"Ren— he's a problem, but I can deal with him."

Poe hummed, unconvinced, and paused for a moment. It was time to change tack. "Let's talk about the stormtrooper program."

"Whatever for?" Hux asked; taken slightly aback by the swift change of topic.

"They're programed from birth, if your propaganda is to be believed."

"It's not propaganda if it's the truth." Hux insisted. 

"Right." Poe looked thoughtful for a moment. "Programing infants to believe solely in whatever you wish them to believe? That's clever."

"What are you getting at, Dameron?" Hux snapped. His lip curled in irritation.

"Your own father invented this method of indoctrination, didn’t he?" Poe pointed out. 

"Yes, it was the only legacy of his worth keeping."

"You said earlier 'there's nothing you can do to me that hasn't already been done'. Does that include being a guinea pig for your father's indoctrination program?"

"That's absurd!" Hux gasped. The question had caught him off guard. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"So you can tell me, with absolute certainty, that your father never subjected you to any part of the reconditioning process as a child?" Poe asked. 

"Of course I— he wouldn't have done that—" Hux frowned. "I would have known."

"When the New Republic took over the imperial academy on Arkanis they took all of it's records. The Commandant's files were of particular interest."

"You have nothing," Hux snarled. "Lying scum."

"So those files are of no interest to you?" Poe asked.

Poe held his datapad up in front of him, showing Hux the first page. Hux intended to ignore it, until he spotted a picture of a young boy. The document looked so familiar, and yet he knew he'd never seen it before. 

"Subject Zero." Poe announced. "He's you."

Hux looked closer at the document; seeing but not believing. It looked the same as every file he kept on his stormtroopers. It even had a designation number at the top: AH-001.

"This is a fabrication." Hux's voice shook as he spoke; his face stricken with horror. "It has to be!"

“You're the one with all the stormtrooper records, you tell me if it looks fake.”

Hux looked away, refusing to meet Poe's eyes. 

“You're right, why should you listen to me? I'm your sworn enemy or something,” Poe said with a sigh, as he tucked the datapad into his pocket.

“Maybe you'll listen to your mother.”

"What?" Hux gaped at him. The rebel had gone completely mad now. “She's dead, you imbecile. Your precious Republic killed her when you invaded Arkanis!”

“I told you, Hugs, we don't hurt prisoners. That includes kitchen staff.”

“Liar,” Hux spat. 

Poe just shrugged. “Why don't you see for yourself?” 

Hux heard the door slide open, his eyes darting towards the sound. He whimpered when he saw a woman standing in the doorway; his heart skipped a beat.

She was so familiar; old enough to be his mother, and with the same red hair he remembered from his childhood, only now it was streaked with grey. He noticed too that her face was red and puffy from crying. He knew from the bottom of his heart that it was her.

“How?” Hux whispered; his voice shaking with restrained emotion. 

“I’m so sorry, darling,” Hux’s mother said sadly. She quickly crossed the space between them and knelt at his side. She took one of his restrained hands into her own. “I’m sorry I let him take you.”

“You were dead,” Hux gasped; trembling with emotion. Tears started to fall as she looked up at him with the same grey-green eyes as his own; eyes filled with pain and longing. He didn't even notice when Poe left the cell, locking the door behind him. "He told me you were dead."

"Brendol told you a lot of things, sweetheart," she said. Hux let out a sob when she stroked his hair. "He did a lot of things to you too. I tried everything I could think of, but couldn't stop him."

"Is it true?" Hux asked; his voice barely a whisper.

"I think so. You were such a sweet child, but you started to change. He took you away from me for days at a time, he never told me why, but when you came back you were different. It was like every time you came back to me a little bit more of you was lost."

Behind the two-way mirror Poe joined General Organa, who had been witness to the interrogation, and together they watched the scene unfold. The sound of Hux's sobs were almost painful to listen to.

"I feel like we could have told him all this a bit more gently," Poe said.  "I kind of feel bad for the guy."

"We decided this was the best course of action," Leia replied. Although her voice sounded tight, and she couldn't pull her eyes away from the scene before her. "He needed a shock to the system if we're going to break through his programing."

Poe hummed; sounding unsure. "You really think this is going to work?" he asked. Poe should feel victorious right now. They'd been planning this for so long, gathering intel, tracking down Hux's birth mother, Araneya. His friend Finn had risked a lot to get Hux here; everything was sliding into place now. Now he only felt nauseous. 

"We can't be sure of anything," Leia said; watching mournfully as Araneya took her son into her arms. "But Finn managed to break through his reconditioning all by himself. With a push from us maybe there's hope for him too. Hope for all the children taken by the First Order."

"It's not going to be easy," Poe said at length.

Leia shook her head. "No. But it will be worth it. He could be the key to winning this war."

Leia didn't stay much longer after that, but Poe spent the next hour listening in on Hux and his mother's conversation; taking notes. He felt like a voyeur, spying on an intimate moment, but this first meeting was crucial.  With emotions running high it was likely that Hux would slip up and reveal something to his mother he'd rather the resistance not know about. And Poe would be there to hear it. It still felt wrong. Eventually though, it was time to interrupt. Poe sighed as he walked back to the cell.

He wasn't looking forward to this one bit. It was decided months ago that limiting the time Hux and Araneya could interact would be beneficial to gaining Hux's compliance, that way further contact could be used as a bargaining chip. It still felt wrong.

"It's time," Poe said as he entered the cell.

"What?" Hux asked. He sounded almost panicked, his red-rimmed eyes darting from Poe to his mother and back again.

"I'll be back soon, darling, I promise," Araneya murmured as she got to her feet. Hux tried to reach out to her as she backed away, but his wrists were still bound.  Araneya let out an almost silent sob before she exited the cell. Hux stared after her, long after the door had shut behind her. He looked wrecked; all his sneering arrogance evaporated, leaving him hollow.

"You must be exhausted," Poe said softly.

Hux flinched when Poe began to untie him, as if he had only just noticed he was there. "There's a bunk behind you, you can get some rest if you want."

Hux watched him in stunned silence as he finished untying him and put the restraints in his pocket.  Poe then offered him the datapad containing only Hux's records they had taken from Arkanis.

"If you want a closer look," Poe said, holding the datapad up in front of him. Hux took it without a word. He wasn't going to get any more out of Hux tonight, so he left him alone to rest.

That night Poe had trouble falling asleep, the sound of a mass murderer crying like a child in his mother's arms haunting his thoughts.

At the other side of the base Hux lay awake too, staring at the peeling paint on the ceiling of his cell, his mind working in overdrive.

———

Hux woke the next day after a fitful night's sleep to the sound of his door opening. He jolted awake; sitting bolt upright in his narrow bunk; clutching his thin blanket to his chest. 

"Sleep okay?" Poe asked. He picked up the chair Hux had been tied to just a few hours ago, then set it down next to Hux's bunk so he could sit down. Hux scowled. 

"Yeah, me neither," Poe quipped; taking Hux's silence as a negative. Hux swung his legs around the bunk so he was sitting up with his feet on the floor, looking at Poe. He was still wearing the uniform he had been captured in, albeit a lot more creased now, and his hair was stuck up at odd angles. He didn't even try to smooth it down. 

Poe nodded to the datapad Hux left on the floor next to the bunk. "Been doing some reading, huh?" 

"Yes," Hux said stiffly. 

"Do you still think we faked the records?" 

Hux sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands. "If it's a forgery it's a very good one," he conceded. 

"So, any thoughts?" Poe asked; pushing him to open up. 

"Kriff, I don't know Dameron," Hux exclaimed. "What are you supposed to think when you're told your entire life is a lie?"

Poe patted Hux's knee, trying to reassure him, but all it did was make Hux flinch. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

Hux huffed and folded his arms across his chest; closing himself off. "Can I see her again?" he asked quietly; avoiding Poe's gaze. 

"Of course," Poe said. "Just as soon as you've answered some questions."

"You're going to keep her here until I talk, aren't you?" Hux asked; sounding resigned.

"I'm afraid so. But I promise you we're treating her well," Poe explained. "She's our guest, not a prisoner."

"Fine." Hux sighed. "I'll answer your questions. But only for her."

"Thank you," Poe replied with an encouraging smile. "Okay, most important question: are the first order aware of our location, and if so are they planning any attacks?"

"Not to my knowledge. We didn't even know where you were; still don't I suppose."

The interview went on for nearly an hour, with Poe taking down notes of his answers and following up with yet more questions. It was hard for Hux not to feel like he was betraying his people, but the thought of never seeing his long lost mother again made him keep talking.

After seemingly endless questions about First Order tactics and military strength, Poe steered the questioning toward the reconditioning process.

"So, how does it work?" he asked.

"We use electronic pulses to alter neural pathways, combined with hypnotic suggestion and daily medication administered through the water supply."

"Kriff," Poe gasped.

"It's an airtight system," Hux shrugged.

"Except Finn," Poe pointed out.

"Finn?" Hux frowned. "Ah, yes, FN-2187. One out of several million is hardly a rounding error."

"His name is Finn," Poe said through gritted teeth. "He's not a rounding error, he's a human being... and the reason your here."

"How so?" Hux asked.

"Not only did he led the mission to capture you, but his ability to shake off his reconditioning was the reason we wanted you here at all."

"That doesn't make sense," Hux sneered.

"If Finn could overcome his conditioning, then there's a chance you could too, you and every trooper in your army," Poe explained. 

Hux stared at him for a full five seconds before he started to laugh. "That's your plan, is it? You're even more desperate than I imagined."

"You've just spent the last hour telling me about the First Order's military strength," Poe pointed out. "Of course we're desperate."

"Well, at least you admit it," Hux sneered. "I still fail to see why I would help you reprogram my own soldiers."

Poe sighed; leaning back in his chair and running his fingers through his hair. "They're not really  _ your _ soldiers anymore, are they?"

Hux frowned. "Meaning?"

"Well, you're not exactly gonna be going back there, are you?" Poe reasoned. "And rumor has it Kylo Ren has all but taken over command of the soldiers anyway.  _ Sith _ troopers? C'mon, you're not going to convince me that was your idea."

Hux shifted uncomfortably; a slight pink tinge colouring his cheeks. Poe leaned forward, resting his forms on his thighs.

"I think you want to take him down just as much as we do." Poe stared at him so intently it made him uncomfortable. 

"Not at the cost of seeing the galaxy fall under the rule of you rebel scum," Hux said. 

"Again with the 'scum' talk," Poe sighed. "Is that what you really think? Or is that your reconditioning talking?"

Hux looked horrified. He opened his mouth to speak, to dispute him furiously, but he couldn't do it. He clamped his mouth shut and furrowed his brow. Dameron had a point; how could he know?  His father had shared these views; that the galaxy needed order, and that fear was the only means of control. That ordinary people were incapable of governance; that they needed the might of the First Order to protect them from themselves. He'd believed that for all of his life. Had he just been parroting Brendol all this time? Thinking what he was programmed to think; doing what he was programmed to do?

"Hux?" Poe asked gently. It startled him out of his thoughtful stupor. His eyes felt like they were burning; tears just threatening to fall.

"I don't know," he whimpered. A single tear fell from his eye, and he angrily pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes; hiding his tears. "I'm not— I'm no better than a droid!"

"First of all; droids are amazing," Poe said. It wasn't what Hux needed to hear right now.

"Second; we can help you. You're not stuck like this forever, not if you don't want to be. No one knows more about reconditioning then you, we can find a way to undo what your father did; together."

Hux dropped his head to his knees and pulled on his hair; wailing in distress.

"Your mother wants her son back," Poe said.

Hux stopped wailing almost immediately. He sat back up slowly; sniffling and rubbing the tears from his face. He was trembling when he met Poe's eyes and said at last; "Okay. I'll do it."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance's new doctor has a difficult job on her hands; undoing over thirty years of First Order reconditioning.

Once Hux had calmed down Poe led him from his cell and bought him to a secured wing of the resistance's medbay. He even allowed Hux to go without binders for the trip; Poe figured he wouldn't try anything stupid now, but his blaster was on his hip, set to stun, just in case.

When they entered the medbay they were greeted by the new chief medical officer for the resistance. Doctor Droma had been head-hunted by Leia herself for this very specific case, during the long planning stages of this operation. She had been one of the former New Republic's foremost neural surgeons and researchers before the hosnian cataclysm; if anyone could reverse-engineer the reconditioning process it would be her.

Poe handled the introductions, and when they were both settled in he made to leave. 

"You're leaving?" Hux asked; sounding worried. Poe turned back to see the anxiety clear on Hux's face.

"Not if you don't want to me," Poe said at length. Hux looked relieved, so Poe took a seat next to him and across from the doctor.

"Right," Dr Droma said. She picked up her datapad and settled back in her chair. "This first session will mainly be a fact finding mission. I can't do anything without understanding the reconditioning process better. The information passed on by Commander Dameron here was informative; but too vague. I'm going to need to know everything you do about the process, and please, spare no detail, Mr Hux."

"General," Hux corrected. The doctor raised her eyebrows, and Poe shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He frowned as he realised his mistake.

"Right, of course," Hux mumbled apologetically; flushing in his embarrassment. He'd had a military rank since he was sixteen years old, it would take some getting used to.

The awkward moment passed when Hux began to explain the reconditioning process in minute detail.

Hux talked for a long time, explaining the complex technique, and answering the doctor's questions. They stuck mainly to the technology, which put him at ease for the moment, but he knew more personnel and probing questions would come; if not today then sooner than he'd like.

Hux was glad Poe had stayed. He wouldn't have been able to explain why, but his presence was comforting. Even if he got a little restless during the extensive technical talk, and Hux was pretty sure he caught him stifling a yawn at one point.

"Thank you, that was very informative," the doctor said at the end of the long interview. "I'd just like to take a scan of your brain before we wrap this up, if you're willing."

"That's fine," Hux agreed.

"Good. I'd like to see if the process has left any neural scarring."

"Right, yes okay," Hux said nervously. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. It would make it all too real. 

"Just lie back on the bench for me," the doctor instructed; gesturing to the padded bench behind them.

Once Hux was lying down the doctor brought over a medical scanner.

The scanner hummed with electricity when she switched it on, and the blue light it emitted forced Hux to close his eyes when she passed it over his face. Hux lay with his fists clenched at his sides while the scans were taken, and he was relieved when she told him it was over.

"Thank you," the doctor said. Her tone was still polite and professional, like it had been for their entire meeting, but Hux could tell she didn't like him; that she couldn't wait for him to leave. He couldn't really blame her.

"It'll take me a while to study the scans, but I'll keep the commander informed of my findings."

"Thanks, doc," Poe replied; speaking for the first time since they had entered the medbay. Poe turned to Hux and led him from the room. "Let's get you some food, you must be hungry."

Hux was expecting to be taken back to his cell, but to his surprise Poe took him to the kitchens. A very small kitchen for a military operation, in Hux's opinion. And an empty one.

"I knew you were underfunded," Hux commented. "But this is worse than I was expecting."

Poe shrugged as he rummaged through the industrial-sized fridge. "Everyone else is either on shift or sleeping. I wouldn't have brought you here otherwise."

"That-- makes sense," Hux replied.

"Sit down, I'll bring the food over," Poe said; pointing to a table in the corner.

Hux took a seat, and watched as Poe put two plates of food together. He wasn't used to seeing officers doing such work themselves; another surprise for him.

Poe smiled when he put a plate of food in front of Hux, and sat down opposite him with his own plate.

"This is a lot," Hux said; eyeing the plate piled high with real, non-ration food. When he looked up he saw Poe have already tucked in to his meal.

Poe swallowed his mouthful before he said, "You don't have to eat it all, just thought you'd be hungry is all."

"Thank you," Hux mumbled. It felt nice that someone had thought about his needs like that. He picked up his fork and started eating, and his eyes widened at the taste. It was /good/. It was more flavour than he could ever remember having.

"Good?" Poe asked.

"Yes," Hux said; his eyes watering slightly at the heat of the aftertaste. "Why is it-- hot?"

"It's the spices, Hugs." Poe chuckled for a moment, before his face turned concerned. "Oh kriff, you're not used to it, I should have asked. Is it ok, should I get you something else?"

"It's fine, really," Hux insisted. He took another bite to prove it. The flavour was so very intense to Hux's inexperienced pallet. "It's nice. I've never had anything like it."

Poe beamed. "What did you even eat in the first order? Because this is not hot at all by the way."

"All required nutrition is provided by a protein drink," Hux explained between mouthfuls of food.

"Sounds yummy," Poe replied sarcastically.

"It's more efficient."

Poe furrowed his brows thoughtfully. "Doesn't do much for morale though, does it?"

"I don't follow," Hux said, confused.

"Most species are happier when they're eating a varied diet," Poe explained. "Plus it gives people something to look forward to, even when everything else is depressing."

"I guess I never thought of it like that."

"Plus chowing down on a good meal with your squad is a great way to bond," Poe added. "Food is great, Hugs."

"I'm starting to see the benefit of it," Hux said hesitantly. His plate was half empty already. Poe smiled at him again; and kriff what a nice smile it was.

Hux blushed, and averted his eyes from Poe's dazzling smile; focusing on finishing his meal. It was quite a novelty having to chew his food, after having lived on a liquid diet for so long.

When they were finished Poe cleared away their plates.

"Do you want a caf or something?" Poe called from the other side of the kitchen.

"Urmm, sure," Hux replied; suprised to have been asked.

Poe busied himself making the drinks before he came back to the table and passed Hux one of the drinks.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Hux asked after he took a sip of the caf. 

Poe shrugged. "You're letting us mess with your brain; I need you to trust us."

"Huh," Hux replied. The Resistance really were full of surprises. He had been starting to enjoy talking to Poe, but the reminder of what he'd agreed to dampened his mood. He was glad that they'd asked for his consent to do the experiments - the first order would have done them regardless - but the prospect of having someone poking around inside his head was frightening.

He must have shown his worry in his body language because Poe leaned over the table gave his hand a comforting squeeze. "It'll be okay," Poe told him. "Doc is one of the best, she'll get it done."

Poe's hand felt so warm and solid; it was nice.H

"Thanks," Hux mumbled; embarrassed by how much he'd liked the physical contact.

When they were finished with their drinks Poe took Hux back to his cell. He wasn't looking forward to being alone again, but he couldn't exactly complain; Poe had already been more than generous.

Poe was just about to leave the cell when he turned around and said, "I'll send your mother back in in a bit, she's been asking after you."

"Th-- thank you so much," Hux replied; his voice almost breaking with emotion. Poe smiled at him again as he left the room.

Hux's mother spent the rest of the day with him, and he was beyond grateful. There was so much for them to catch up on, so many things that Hux had been too young to remember happening. Hux wanted to know everything she'd done since that fateful night he'd been taken from her.

The pit dropped out of Hux's stomach when she said, "I was on Hosnian Prime for years."

He felt sick. He could have killed her; could have wiped her out without even knowing she was still alive.

Araneya stroked Hux's back comfortingly. "I moved away a long time before-- well, before all that." She trailed off, as if she didn't know how to talk about what Hux had done.

"You should hate me," Hux said miserably; his stomach tying itself in knots with guilt. How many mothers had he killed without a second's thought? How many sons?

"Sweetheart, I could never hate you," Araneya murmured. "You're my son."

It was all Hux could do not to cry again. "I don't deserve you," Hux replied.

The next day, after another restless night in his uncomfortable bunk, Hux had another meeting with the Resistance doctor. When Poe came to take him to the medbay his face looked grim, with no sign of the smiles from the day before.

"I take it it isn't good news?" Hux asked.

Poe shifted uncomfortably. "I should probably let the doctor explain."

When they got to the doctor's office her face was just as grim as Poe's. "Please sit down," Dr Droma said stiffly; pointing to the chair opposite her.

Hux sat where he was told to, and Poe sat next to him.

"I'll cut to the chase, Mr Hux," the doctor began. "The scans are far worse than I expected. The neutral scarring is extensive, with some pathways worryingly undeveloped. It's possible some mental processes aren't functioning correctly."

Hux couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You're saying that I've-- that I've got brain damage?" Hux asked, his voice hoarse. 

"I believe so, yes," the doctor said simply.

"I don't understand," Hux said hesitantly. "My mental capacities have always been my strongest asset."

"Centers controlling intellect and logical processing appear to be in tact," she explained. "The problems are most prominent in the anterior cingulate cortex. Pathways normally associated with ethics, morality, and empathy are the worst affected."

Hux was lost for words, he just stared at the doctor. It felt like he was having an out of body experience, like he was watching this happen to someone else.

"Hux?" Poe asked gently; giving his hand a little squeeze to get his attention. "Are you okay?"

A moment of madness overtook him, and he started to laugh. He laughed so hard his stomach started to hurt. He was gasping for breath by the time he pulled himself together. "This is a joke, right?" he asked eventually.

"We're gonna help you, Hux. It'll be okay," Poe told him.

"Nothing's ever going to be okay again," Hux replied. He still felt somewhat hysterical. "I knew my father fucked me up, but this? This is something else. I wasn't even safe from him inside my own head."

"Doc, how do we fix this?" Poe asked. He didn't let go of Hux's hand as he turned his attention to the doctor.

"It won't be easy," she explained. "We'll need to use a mixture of surgical and psychiatric approaches."

"Can you really fix me?" Hux asked tentatively.

"I believe we can recover most of the damaged pathways, yes. But because the damage was done before your brain had fully developed I'm unsure exactly how it will affect you."

Hux was really struggling to keep it together now; but he refused to fall apart in front of the doctor.

"Can you give us a minute, doctor?" Poe asked.

Doctor Droma looked surprised, but said, "Of course, Commander," and left the room to the two of them.

"Thought you'd need a minute," Poe said, gently stroking a stray hair away from Hux's face.

Hux couldn't help but lean into his touch. "Th— thank you," he said; his voice breaking with emotion. The tears came unbidden to his eyes, so Poe cupped the back of his head and let him hide his face against his shoulder. Hux sobbed into the leather of Poe's jacket.

Poe stroked his hair until the sobs subsided, then helped him clean his face of tears before he let the doctor back in. It must have been obvious what had just happened; but the doctor didn't mention it. Hux was relieved of that much.

The rest of the meeting passed in a blur. Hux wasn't even sure what kind of treatments he'd agreed to in the end; he just wanted to get out of there. To get away from the doctor and the med-bay, to get away from Poe's undeserved sympathy. He just cared so much when he had no reason to. He couldn't understand it.

Poe offered to take him to the kitchens so they could eat together again; but Hux insisted that he needed to be alone. So Poe took him back to his cell, and promised to bring him some food later. When he was gone Hux curled up on his bunk and wrapped his arms around himself.

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew he was being woken up by the sound of his door swinging shut.

"It's been a few hours, are you up for some food?" Poe asked.

"Go away," Hux moaned; rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes.

"You've gotta eat, Hux."

"Ugh, fine," Hux relented. He sat up and accepted the tray from Poe. "This isn't going to burn my mouth again, is it?"

"Don't worry, had the chef knock up something extra bland, just for you," Poe replied. He gave him an encouraging smile before he sat down across from him.

"Thanks." Hux started to eat, but it felt like such a chore that he didn't manage much of it.

"Good enough," Poe said when Hux gave up trying to force himself to eat.

"Don't you have more important things to do then making sure I eat?" Hux asked.

Poe shrugged. "You're my most important mission right now."

Hux blushed; he couldn't remember the last time anyone had cared this much.

"Anyway, I had another talk with the doctor, and she said she has a treatment for you that'll be ready tomorrow," Poe told him. "She said something about nano-droids."

"That's— actually not a bad idea," Hux said. "They'd be more precise than electroshock therapy. Not as painful either."

"Well that sounds encouraging, doesn't it?" Poe asked. Hux smiled weakly at Poe's enthusiasm; he wished he could share it.

The next day it was time for Hux's first treatment. Hux didn't sleep well the night before he couldn't stop worrying. Even if the treatment did work, what would it do to him? Did he really want to change? What kind of person would he be? By the time morning came he was exhausted.

Poe had bought him some food, which Hux ate gladly. After that he took Hux to the medbay.

Dr Droma was busying herself with some complicated looking equipment when they arrived. Hux's heart began to race at the sight.

"Do you want your mother here?" Poe asked softly.

"I don't know— I don't want her to see me like this," Hux replied.

"Sure thing buddy," Poe said, giving his arm a quick squeeze. Hux couldn't help but feel comforted by the contact.

"Mr, Hux," Dr Droma interrupted. "If you could remove your jacket and get on the table then we can begin."

"Yes, Doctor," Hux replied. He numbly unfastened his jacket and draped it over the back of a chair, before he shuffled awkwardly onto the table.

The doctor adjusted the headrest and began to fasten EEG sensors to his head. When she was finished she wiped his left hand with disinfectant and picked up another instrument.

"I'm just going to start a line in your hand so I can introduce the nano-droids into your bloodstream."

"Okay." Hux's voice sounded small and uncertain. Poe came to stand at his side and held his hand while the doctor inserted a line into his artery.

"I'm scared," Hux whispered, low enough that only Poe could hear.

"It's gonna be okay, Hux," Poe told him. "I'll be right here."

"Armitage," Hux murmured softly. "You can call me Armitage."

Hux gasped at the uncomfortable sensation on the nano-droids entering his body, and he gripped Poe's hand tightly. Poe shushed him gently and rubbed his thumb in small circles over his wrist.

Doctor Droma was sitting behind a data-holo; watching the progress of the nano-droids.

"The droids are approaching the brainstem," the doctor informed Hux. "You might feel some strange sensations as they get to work on the damage. Do try to relax."

"Okay," Hux whimpered; unnerved. It felt pretty strange already.

A moment later Hux's head started throbbing. He squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth against the pain.

"How are you doing?" Dr Droma asked.

"Hurts," Hux replied. For a split second he felt a little stabbing pain in his head, and his legs twitched of their own accord.

"What's four times six?" she asked.

"What?" Hux yelped in confusion.

"I need to make sure the droids don't hit anything they're not supposed to. Four times six."

"Ermm— twenty-four?" Hux answered. He felt another twinge, a bit more intense then, and gasped in pain.

"I thought this was supposed to be the less painful alternative!" Poe said in alarm; still holding Hux's hand.

"It is," the doctor replied simply.

"Kriff," he cursed. "Hold on, Armitage, it'll be over soon."

"Where were you born?" Dr Droma asked.

Hux had to force himself to think; the sensations were overwhelming him. "Arkanis Imperial Academy," he answered.

The doctor hummed in agreement, and made a note on her datapad.

A moment later a wave of emotion flowed through him; more intense than he had ever felt before. He was shaking with it; tears streaming from his eyes; he wanted to scream.

"They've made it to the emotional centre then." The dispassion in her voice felt like a stab in the gut. His heart felt like it was going to explode when Poe cupped his cheek and wiped away the tears.

Just as the pain was becoming unbearable, everything stopped. It left Hux panting and shaking in to quiet of the med-bay; his heart racing.

"Good," the doctor said. "The nano-droids have completed their therapy program."

"That's— that's it?" Hux gasped. "It's over?"

"For now, yes," she said. "Doing too much at once would be very risky. So you will need a few sessions. I'll know how many once I've compared some new scans to the old ones."

Hux just nodded; too tired for anything else. The doctor took another scan of his brain, then began to remove the electrodes from his head.

"Are you okay?" Poe asked; his voice barely more than a whisper.

"I think so," Hux replied; just as quiet. He knew he didn't sound very sure.

"You did so well," Poe said. Now that the electrodes were gone Poe stroked his sweat-damp hair. It felt so nice that Hux couldn't help but nuzzle against Poe's hand.

"Tomorrow we'll do some psychological therapies, but for now that will be all." She turned to Poe and said, "He needs to rest now, Commander."

"Thanks doctor," Poe replied. "I'll take care of him."

The doctor removed the tube from the back of Hux's hand and wrapped a bandage around it. Then she left the room.

Poe help Hux off the table; having to all but catch him when his legs refused to support his weight. "I got you," Poe murmured. He wrapped his arm around Hux's waist to take his weight and supported him while they made slow progress out of the room.

"Where're we goin?" Hux slurred, upon noticing they were walking in the opposite direction to his cell.

"I'm not taking you back to your cell like this," Poe said adamantly. "There's a spare medbay bed nextdoor, you'll be more comfortable there."

Hux didn't reply; all his energy taken up by trying to put one foot in front of the other.

Once they got to the bed Poe helped Hux get in it, and tucked him under a blanket.

"Thank you," Hux mumbled; already half asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux's treatment is going better than expected, so Poe thinks it's time for Hux to go on his first mission with The Resistance.

_ Blazing red light filled the sky. Every sentient being in the crowded city square looked towards the sky, stricken with horror. The sound of a confused child crying for their parents' attention, too young to understand what was happening, filled the stunned silence. The light grew brighter with each passing second. A young woman clutched her baby to her chest as silent tears rolled down her face. The light filled up the horizon; blindingly bright…_

Hux jolted awake; breathing heavily, his heart racing, covered in cold sweat. His mother was beside his bed holding his hand and stroking his sweat-damp hair away from his face. "It's alright sweetheart," she said softly.

"What have I done?" Hux asked; his voice trembling with emotion. "I'm a monster."

Araneya held his hand up to her mouth and kissed it. "You did what you were programmed to do, honey."

Hux began to sob. The guilt felt so heavy on his chest it threatened to crush him. Araneya leaned over his bed and held him tightly through the tears. He'd cried more in the past few days than he had in almost thirty years.

"I know it hurts right now," she said. "But this means the treatment is working. It'll get easier."

"How can it? How can I live knowing what I've done," Hux sobbed. "How can you stand the sight of me?"

"Listen to me," she said sternly. "That weapon would have fired with or without you. If your father were still alive he would have done it himself."

Hux didn't look convinced. 

"Besides, you can't help bring down the First Order if you give up now," she explained.

"I guess I owe it to them," Hux said at length. "I owe it to everyone I've hurt."

"I knew my sweet boy was in there somewhere," Araneya murmured as she stroked his hair. "Now get some rest."

Hux was asleep again soon after, his sleep thankfully dreamless this time. When he woke his mother was gone, and it was Poe sitting beside his bed. When he noticed Hux had woken up he put down the datapad he'd been scrolling through. 

"How're you feeling?" Poe asked.

"Not as bad as earlier, I guess," Hux said groggily; rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Glad to hear it," Poe replied with a smile. Again Hux found himself dazzled; Poe was incredibly handsome, and having that smile directed at him made him feel warm inside.

_Damn _, he thought, _I think I love him_. He flushed at the realisation. Maybe it was too soon to call it love, but it sure felt like it. He'd never understood when people talked about the people they loved giving them butterflies; it had never made any sense to him. And now, finally, he understood. It was almost a relief to feel like this; the only person he had ever felt love for was his mother, but it was nothing like this. He hadn't thought he was capable of falling in love.

"I want to help the Resistance," Hux said. _ I want to help you, _he didn't say. "The First Order needs to be stopped."

"That was one hell of a treatment," Poe chuckled. "We'd be glad of your help. Thank you, Armitage."

"Nothing can outweigh the bad I've done, but I hope I can do some good."

"Think you're up for some food?" Poe asked. "You've been asleep for a long time, you must be hungry."

Now that he had mentioned it, Hux realised how hungry he was. "Yes please."

"I bought you some fresh clothes," Poe told him. He pointed them out on the side table; they were resistance clothes. "And there's a sonic shower if you want to freshen up."

Hux was glad of the chance to freshen up, and even more glad to be able to change out of his unwashed First Order uniform. It didn't really feel like _ his _ uniform anymore. Still, after his shower, slipping into the brown tunic adorned with the Resistance starbird emblem felt strange.

When he looked in the mirror, a stranger seemed to look back at him. With his new clothes, over a week's worth of stubble, and his hair clean and fluffy without his customary gel, he didn't look like General Hux anymore. He supposed that was a good thing, but it would take some getting used to.

Hux left the shower room to find Poe waiting for him patiently, sitting next to the bed. He looked up from his datapad when he heard the door open.

"Wow, that's better," Poe said, beaming. "You look great, Armitage."

"Thanks," Hux mumbled; embarrassed.

"C'mon, let's get some food." With that Poe led the way out of the medbay and towards the kitchens. "You up for eating something a little less bland this time?" 

"Sure," Hux replied. He had to admit that the food Poe had given him last time they ate together was a lot nicer than the meal replacement drinks he used to have. He was actually quite excited to see what Poe would give him this time.

When they got to the kitchens Poe had him sit down at the table again. Poe, meanwhile, busied himself in the kitchen preparing some food. He didn't seem to be reheating leftovers this time, he was cooking from scratch.

"Can I help?" Hux asked; intrigued.

"Sure," Poe said, "if you like."

Hux walked over to where Poe was standing.

"What should I do?" he asked. He had never cooked in his life, but he was eager to help.

"You can cut up these vegetables," Poe said. He pointed out the chopping board to his left that was covered in an array of strange looking vegetables, then handed Hux a knife.

"You're— giving me a knife?" Hux asked sceptically.

"How can you cut stuff up without a knife, hugs?" Poe chuckled.

"But—" Hux was lost for words. Poe's trust in him was truly staggering.

"What, you gonna stab me or something?" Poe laughed again.

"Of course not," Hux replied.

"Well okay then, get chopping!"

Hux took the knife and turned his attention to the vegetables. He didn't really know what they were; some flora local to whatever planet they were on, he guessed.

"How small should I cut them?" Hux asked.

"Kind of bite sized," Poe replied, while he began to fry some up some spices. It smelled amazing.

Hux got to work chopping up the vegetables, and when he was finished he passed them to Poe who added them to the spice mix. While the vegetables were frying Poe got out a bowl of white grains from the fridge and heated them up. A few minutes later everything was ready. 

They sat down at the table in the corner of the kitchen to eat, and Hux inhaled the scent of freshly cooked food.

"Smells so good," Hux said; beaming. Poe smiled back at him around the mouthful of food he had already tucked into. Hux picked up his own fork and followed suit; the food was as delicious as it smelt.

"You like it?" Poe asked. Hux nodded enthusiastically.

The spices still made his eyes water, but it was a lot better than last time. Hux ate his meal quickly, only pausing to wash it down with some water.

"That was nice, thank you," Hux said after he'd finished eating.

"You're welcome."

"Are you— am I going back to my cell now?"

Poe frowned. "Your with us now," he explained. "I've got a bunk all sent up for you."

"Really?" Hux asked; astonished. "Just like that?"

"Just like that. Well, you'll have to continue with the treatments," Poe said. "And you won't be sharing a room of course; people round here aren't exactly lining up to be your bunkmate. No offence."

"I can't blame them," Hux replied; his good mood dampened somewhat. He supposed he couldn't have expected everyone to be as accepting as Poe had been.

"They'll come around," Poe said; giving Hux a pat on the shoulder. "Eventually. You're not the only defector around here."

"You're putting a lot of trust in me," Hux murmured in awe. "I'll do my best to prove it isn't misplaced. I'll do my penance."

"I'm sure you will." Poe smiled. "We really do need your help, you know?"

\---

Over the next few days Hux continued to work with the doctor. He found the talking therapy even more challenging than the physical treatments. He bared his soul to the doctor; allowing himself to be vulnerable was so emotionally draining that he felt constantly exhausted.

He rarely saw the other members of the resistance, and the only people he actually talked to were Poe, his mother, and his doctor. He was so used to being surrounded by people that it felt incredibly lonely. At night, when he was alone in his bunk he silently cried himself to sleep.

Of course he was glad to be away from the constant abuse he suffered in the First Order. He was grateful to have been treated so well, to have been given a chance to change, but change was not easy; not after thirty-five years of conditioning.

One day Poe came to him while he was reading in his bunk. He smiled at him as he entered the room and it made his heart flutter in his chest. 

"How's it going, buddy?" Poe asked. Hux smiled back stiffly, _ kriff he was not used to smiling, _and put the datapad he was reading on the side table. 

"I'm fine," Hux replied; stifling a yawn. "The therapies are a bit exhausting but I can't complain."

"Mind of I sit?" Poe asked, pointing to the bed next to Hux. 

"Sure," Hux shrugged, and Poe sat down next to him on the bed. 

"So doc says your therapy is going better than expected," he explained. Hux raised an eyebrow; the doctor had kept that one quiet. "Think you're up for a little mission?" 

"Are you serious?" Hux asked; his eyes wide in disbelief.

"Of course," Poe laughed. "It's just a bit of recon, monitoring first order comms, but I could do with some help deciphering the messages."

"So it would— it would just be you and me?" he asked. The idea of spending days alone with Poe in a cramped ship was a tantalising prospect. 

"Yeah," Poe grinned. "Just us."

"Sounds great," Hux said all too quickly, then rushed to correct himself. "Getting away from the base, I mean."

Poe actually winked at him. Was he actually flirting with him? Poe was so handsome, Hux reckoned he could have his pick of the whole base if he wanted; why would he be flirting with someone like him? He dismissed the idea as wishful thinking and tried to put it out of his mind. 

"That's great," Poe said. "We're leaving at dawn tomorrow, so pack some spare clothes."

"Will do," Hux said. He watched Poe stand up, and he was almost out of the room when Hux called out to him. "Thank you."

"No problem, hugs," Poe replied. "Get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning." 

And with that Poe left the room, leaving Hux feeling rather strange; kind of like he was floating. 

\---

The next morning Hux was startled awake by a banging at his door. He sat up so fast he banged his head on the bunk above him. Cursing and rubbing his head he stumbled to the door to open it.

"There you are, sleepy head," Poe said, smiling brightly.

"How can you be so cheerful this early in the morning?" Hux complained; his voice thick with sleep.

"I get to fly today!" Poe explained. "Not flown for weeks, I've been itching to get back out there."

"Right, of course." Hux yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Do you have caf?"

"They'll be some on the ship, I promise," Poe said; giving Hux's shoulder a friendly slap. "Meet me on the landing strip in 10, okay?"

Hux gave a mock salute, then turned to go to the washroom.

"Oh, and Armitage?" Poe asked. Hux turned back. "You look cute in your sleepwear."

Hux flushed bright red, and before he could think of anything to say to that Poe had walked away. _ Cute? _ he thought; dumbstruck. _ No, surely not. I must have misheard him._

Once his brain started working again he headed for the washroom for a quick shower, then pulled on some fresh clothes. On the way out he picked up the bag he had packed the night before and went to meet Poe on the landing strip. He couldn't wait to get back into space.

Hux had never actually been to the airstrip before, not without a hood covering his face, so he had to ask which way to go from a passing soldier. The woman looked at him suspiciously, but she did give him directions.

Out on the airstrip the sun was just starting to rise, casting an orangey glow over the smattering of ships. There were so few of them, and their condition was shoddy at best; he thought there would be more.

He spotted Poe talking to someone across the airstrip, the pair of them standing next to an old fashioned u-wing, and headed over.

"—can't know that, what if he tries to smother you in your sleep?" Hux heard the man standing with Poe say. His good mood was shattered. He had almost forgotten how hated he was, how much the rest of the resistance didn't trust him.

"This is the ship?" Hux asked. Poe whipped his head around to look at him, clearly alarmed to see him standing there. He nodded.

"I'll be inside," Hux said curtly, then boarded the ship before Poe, or his friend, could say anything more.

Poe ran after him a few moments later and grabbed his shoulder to get his attention. "Armitage, don't listen to him," he said.

"But he's right," Hux said. "You're too trusting. I'm not a good person."

Poe sighed and scratched his head. "Maybe I am too trusting, maybe I like to see the good in people, but I don't believe you'd hurt me."

"I wouldn't," Hux whispered. The very idea of hurting Poe after everything he had done for him made him feel sick. Worst of all, the old Hux _ would _ have smothered him in his sleep, then stolen the ship without a hint of remorse. 

"I know," Poe replied. Then Poe was carefully stroking his hair just behind his ear. Hux's stomach lurched, his face burning, he wanted to lean into it but before he could Poe pulled his hand away as if he'd been burnt.

"Sorry," he mumbled, then fled to the cockpit, out of reach. 

Hux just stood there for a few seconds, trying to figure out what just happened. He touched his hair where Poe had just been touching, and felt those butterflies again.

He shook himself from his reverie and went to join Poe in the cockpit. The pilot didn't look at him as he sat down in the co-pilot's chair; choosing instead to busy himself with the ship's control panel. Hux sat quietly and watched him go through his pre-flight checks.

"Resistance tower, this is Commander Dameron, permission to depart?" Poe asked, talking into the ship's com. 

"Permission granted Commander," came a voice from the other end of the comm. "And may the force be with you."

Poe closed the cargo ramp and started up the engine, then lifted the ship into the air. Hux watched out of the viewport as the planet below them got smaller and smaller, until the blue of the atmosphere disappeared and the stars of open space began to twinkle above them.

"Ready to go to lightspeed?" Poe asked.

"Sure," Hux replied. "You're the boss."

Poe smiled at him and pushed the ship into lightspeed. The pair stared into the swirling light of hyperspace in silence; the atmosphere seemed heavy with tension.

"I really wouldn't hurt you, you know," Hux murmured. 

"I know," Poe replied with a sigh. "And I'll stop touching you, I can see how uncomfortable it makes you."

"No," Hux said a little too quickly. Poe turned to look at him, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"I don't dislike it, it's just—“ Hux trailed off.

"Just what?" Poe asked; tentatively squeezing Hux's hand.

"The First Order didn't exactly encourage casual touching," he explained as he stared at Poe's hand on top of his own. "You're so free with your affection, I'm just not used to it."

"You're touch starved?" Poe asked.

"I don't understand what that means," Hux replied.

"You're a human. We humans crave physical contact, it's part of our nature," Poe explained. "Your body's just reacting strangely to my touch because you've been starved of it for so long."

Hux furrowed his brow as he thought through the implications of what Poe had just said. Was his crush on Poe just a biological reaction to his closeness? Would he have fallen for anyone who showed him the slightest bit of affection? There was no way to know.

"Before you came here, when was the last time anyone hugged you?" Poe asked. 

"Does— does during sex count?" Hux asked; his face burning with shame. He should have told Poe to stop asking such personal questions, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Did you hold each other after?"

"No, he— they always just left. I thought that was what I wanted." 

"Yeah, that doesn't count all," Poe said. "Sure, sex is really nice, but there's something about being held in the afterglow that's just awesome."

"I wouldn't know," he mumbled.

"We could do it, if you like," Poe suggested. Hux stared at him in shock; his heart racing. 

"The hugging!" Poe exclaimed in a panic. "I just meant hugging, not sex."

It took a few seconds for Hux to get his heart rate back under control. Of course Poe wasn't offering that; what a stupid thing to think. 

"Kriff I've made it awkward again," Poe sighed.

"I suppose a hug might be nice." Hux shrugged; trying not to sound too desperate. And just like that Poe leaned over and wrapped his arms around him.

For a moment Hux just sat there stiffly; but eventually he relaxed into it and wrapped his arms around Poe in return.

Being held by Poe felt wonderful. He was strong, yet soft at the same time; his body radiating heat; warming Hux to the bone. He sighed against Poe's neck, feeling more relaxed than he had felt in months; years even. As he breathed in he smelt Poe's earthy scent; soap mixed with his natural musk, with perhaps a hint of engine oil.

Then all too soon it was over, and Poe was pulling away. Reluctantly, Hux let go and allowed Poe to sit back in his seat.

"Was that okay?" Poe asked. 

"It was fine," Hux replied; not wanting to give voice to how good it felt.

"Great," Poe said with a grin. Hux couldn't help but smile back. "Right, well, we're gonna be in hyperspace for a couple hours, you want some breakfast?"

As if on cue, Hux's belly rumbled with hunger. He used to be able to go most of the day without eating anything, but just a few weeks of regular meals had changed all that.

"Sounds great," Hux said. 

\---

After weeks of planet-side food, breakfast was somewhat of a disappointment. Not that the protein bar was as bad as the First Order nutrient drink, not by a long shot; at least it had flavour. The caf was still good though. 

Soon enough after they ate it was time to come out of hyperspace. As Poe pulled the ship back into realspace Hux watched the streaming lines of the stretched-out stars return to tiny points of light.

"Where are we?" Hux whispered. He couldn't explain why he hadn't wanted to speak at normal volume, but the atmosphere seemed to call for it. 

"The outskirts of the Naboo system," Poe explained; his voice as low as Hux's had been. 

Hux frowned; he had no knowledge of any First Order deployment to this system. "Why?" he asked.

"We think Naboo is Ren's next target," Poe replied. "A local freighter captain reported seeing First Order ships here."

"They're in the system and have yet to make any demands?" Hux asked.

"Yeah," Poe said. "Weird right?"

Hux's frown deepened as he tried to find an explanation for this strange behaviour. If Ren was planning to take over Naboo then he should have blockaded the planet, threatened the population, and demanded their surrender. This was something else.

"Last I heard Ren was obsessing over old sith artifacts," Hux said at length. "More than usual I mean. I wonder if there's something down there he wants. Maybe something to do with Emperor Palpatine; this was his home planet after all, it's not impossible he left something here."

Poe rubbed his chin in thought, the stubble there rasping against his fingers. "Let's make sure there really are order ships here before we worry about that," he said. "I can't see them on the scanner yet but they could be hiding in the asteroid belt."

It took a little while for the scanner to pick it up, but Poe had been right, there was a transport ship hiding out in the asteroid belt. But it wasn't a standard First Order transport, it look like an _ Oubliett _e-class.

"That's the _ Night Buzzard_," Hux gasped.

"What the kriff is a night buzzard?"

"It's the Knights of Ren's ship," Hux explained. "We need to leave!"

"Seriously? You want us to run?" Poe sounded confused. "It's just one ship, shouldn't we at least try and get a shot in first? Taking them out could be a huge win for us."

Poe started to reach out to the console to turn on the weapons systems, but Hux grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Don't you dare," Hux barked; it sounded a little too like an order for Poe's liking. 

"You're not in charge here, hugs," Poe replied, beginning to get annoyed now.

"You're right, I— I apologise," Hux sighed; releasing Poe's hand. "It's just that this ship doesn't have the firepower to break through their shields, all it will do is draw their attention."

"But it's a civilian model," Poe pointed out. "Why would it have shields that tough?"

"The Supreme Leader had the engineering corps work for weeks to improve the shields and weapons systems on that thing. It would have been much easier to design a whole new ship for them to ride around in, but Ren insisted. I believe the transport is some sort of battle trophy."

"So you're saying we don't stand a chance?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Hux sighed; relieved he was finally getting through to him. "Besides, we don't even know if they're still on board."

"Okay Armitage, I won't try and shoot it down," Poe said. "But we can still intercept their transmissions, I can't go back empty handed."

"Fine, just be careful, okay?" Hux relented.

"Don't worry, they won't even notice we're here," Poe told him as he turned his attention to the ship's comm system. Hux sat quietly and watched him work, but he felt tense; he couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched.

After a while the comm crackled to life, but all that could be heard was static.

"I think we're in," Poe said. Hux glanced nervously at the tactical readout, and was relieved to note that the _ Buzzard _ hadn't moved. "Now we just need to wait for them to, well, say something."

Hux rolled his eyes. "We're just going to sit here until they do something? That could be hours; days even."

"Hey, spy work isn't all glamour you know." Poe laughed as he slapped Hux on the back. "It's normally boring as hell; with the occasional near death experience."

\---

For the rest of the day the radio was silent. Poe seemed content with the inactivity, he even stopped chatting after a while, but it was making Hux twitchy. He wasn't used to having so little to do, even during the weeks he had spent with the Resistance he had things to do.

"Are you sure this is the best use of our time?" Hux asked when he couldn't take it anymore. "I am an engineer you know, there must be something on this rust bucket that needs fixing."

"Bored of my sparkling company already, huh?" Poe teased.

Hux sighed. "It's not that. I just hate having nothing to do. It gives me too much time to think."

"What you thinking about?" Poe asked.

"Doesn't matter," Hux replied.

"C'mon, you can talk to me you know, I'm not gonna judge you."

Hux couldn't help but laugh. "I doubt that."

"I already know the worst thing you ever did, what could you possibly say now that would shock me?" Poe asked. He leaned in to squeeze Hux's thigh; smiling encouragingly.

Hux took a deep breath, _ kriff did Poe's hand feel good. _

"I think I like you," Hux said at length; staring up at the ceiling of the cockpit to avoid Poe's eyes.

"I like you too, hugs," Poe said brightly.

"No." Hux sighed in frustration. "It's— it's more than that, it's— I don't think I've ever felt like this before."

The silence seemed to stretch on forever, and Hux couldn't look at him; he didn't want to see this disgust on his fact.

"Armitage," Poe murmured. "Look at me."

Hux felt like he was going to cry; this was terrible, he shouldn't have said anything. What was he thinking?

He took another deep breath to prepare himself, then looked at Poe. What he saw wasn't what he was expecting. Poe didn't look angry, he didn't look disgusted; he was smiling.

"Are you sure?" Poe asked softly as he cupped Hux's cheek. "I need you to be sure."

"I'm sure," Hux confirmed; leaning into Poe's hand. "The way people talk about falling for someone used to sound so strange to me, but I get it now, I'm feeling things I didn't think I could feel."

"Oh Armitage," he sighed. The look in Poe's eyes agitated the butterflies in his belly.

Poe began to lean in; Hux following suit, his heart racing in his chest. Hux let his eyes fall closed just as their lips were about to touch.

It was in that moment that the white noise of the radio changed into something intelligible.

"_Night Buzzard, this is Ushar Ren, come in_."

"Kriff!" Poe cursed; quickly pulling away. Hux almost sobbed at the loss.

Poe hit record on the comm device as fast as he could. Hux knew he should be listening too, but he couldn't focus on anything but Poe and the kiss they had been so close to. _Trust the Knights of Ren to ruin everything_, Hux cursed silently. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Drop me a line if you're enjoying this fic, or hit me up on twitter @HuxRagdoll ♡


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